He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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