The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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