The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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