you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize