just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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