oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
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I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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