An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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