She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
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The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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