His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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