It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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