had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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