i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Panties = found
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