Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize