Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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