she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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