You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
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You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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