dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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