so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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