I faked an abortion last night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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