before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
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Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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