Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize