i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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