I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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