Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I believe in your delicious
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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