these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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