OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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