i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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