So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
organizing the empties. That sober.
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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