I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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