i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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