Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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