just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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