I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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