I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize