Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Damn victory sex feels great
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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