you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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