i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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