So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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