It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i out mim tonsoeep
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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