Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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