Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
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Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
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She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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