im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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