How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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