Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
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Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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