Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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