So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
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just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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