you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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