you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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