I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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