I cannot find my penis.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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